Premarital counseling is perhaps the most important thing a couple can do to prepare for marriage. For those that are serious about fulfilling the needs of their loved ones and making marriage last, premarital counseling needs to become a priority.
Over the years I have encountered many couples that have been reluctant to initiate premarital counseling for numerous reasons. Some couples believe that they know each other so well that there is nothing a counselor can say to improve their relationship. To those couples I will say that all couples can benefit from having an objective evaluation done by a well trained counselor. Not all couples going into marriage need a complete relationship overhaul but, even those with minimal problems could benefit from some tweaking. I feel that is better to be over-prepared than to be under-prepared when it comes to making life changing decisions like getting married. Other couples shy away from premarital counseling because they are afraid that the counseling process might illuminate the faults in their relationship. They would rather go into the marriage blindfolded and hope that their problems will magically work themselves out, in which case marital discord or divorce is imminent.
Lastly, there are couples that feel premarital counseling is just too expensive. I have heard statements like, "We just don't have the money for premarital counseling with all of our other wedding expenses". The average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is approximately $30,000. The average cost of a wedding in Farmington Hills, MI is about $40,000 with an upward range of $50,000. Those numbers do not even include the cost of the engagement ring and the honeymoon. The typical couple also budgets for less than 50% of what they spend on a wedding. People spend a superfluous amount of money on churches, halls, cakes, gowns, photographers as well as many other things for a wedding and they conclude that they cannot afford premarital counseling. They have their budget completely upside down. Couples need to start their budget with premarital counseling. After all, is not the marital relationship the most important part of the marriage?
Divorce statistics alone should be enough to get people to engage in premarital counseling. According to the Michigan Department of Community Heatlh, the average percentage of marriages ending in divorce in 2005 was 58% in the State of Michigan. The percentage of divorce in the tri-county area (Oakland, Macomb, Wayne) reached 60% in 2005. Premarital counseling was invented to prevent divorce and protect the marital relationship. Those who think that you do not have to emotionally prepare for marriage are fooling themselves. Premarital counseling helps couples prepare for the inevitable tough times and disagreements in marital life.
The decision to spend the rest of your life with someone can be an overwhelming thought, which is exactly why couples should not enter into a marriage without being completely prepared. Couples in today's society face higher demands than ever before and they seem to have less support. Managing dual careers and raising children at the same time requires that couples have a strong relationship which includes; well established abilities of communication, competence of conflict resolution and the facility to set goals together. Every advantage is needed for couples to survive in today's marriages.
Comprehensive research on the effectiveness of premarital counseling has shown that couples who go through premarital counseling gain a 30% increase in overall relationship quality and interpersonal skills (Carroll & Doherty, 2003). The same study also showed that the positive effects of premarital counseling can happen immediately within the relationship.
For more information on premarital counseling or other types of counseling please visit http://www.thoughtperspectives.com.
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