Back In The Saddle

Greetings Everyone!

I know it has been quite a while since my last post.  The past year-and-a-half has involved a lot of transition in my personal and professional life.  Toward the end of 2012, I decided it was time for me to move my practice (Thought Perspectives Counseling) to a new location in Novi, MI.  I was lucky enough to find an office space that met all of my needs right in downtown Novi.  

The decision to move has been a good one but, it took an enormous amount of time and effort to make it happen.  Moving itself wasn't so bad; I also decided to re-brand my practice, create a new website, update my approach to social media campaigns and integrate some new philosophies into my existing business model.  All this was happening while my wife started a new job in a remote location which prompted a personal move at the same time.  Word to the wise; don't move your business and your home at the same time.  

Needless to say, I am just now getting around to restarting my blog and social media campaigns.  You will start to see regular posts from me that discuss the following topics:

• Info & tips on how to deal with common mental health issues
• Current research in mental health
• Relationship advice
• Living an emotionally healthy life
• Stress management tips
• Advice for small business owners
• How counseling & psychotherapy works
• Life lessons from the therapy chair    

If any of you have any suggestions of specific topics you would like to see me cover, please feel free to leave comments in my blog or contact me through email, Twitter or Facebook.  

Lastly, please visit my new website at: thoughtperspectives.com and let me know what you think.  Feel free to like my Facebook page here and follow me on Twitter here.  I look forward to providing any help I can in making your lives more satisfying and worthwhile.  

Sincerely,

Nathan M. Comerford, MA, LPC, NCC

Should I Go To College Or Find A Stable Job?

     I believe many people struggle with the same dilemma after graduating from high school.  Many feel pressured to decide what they are going to do with the rest of their lives as if their entire lives will revolve around that decision.  That is not necessarily the case.  I have met several people that have changed their majors in college or that have changed jobs several times before they finally settled on something they were content with.  Sometimes experience is the best teacher.  We do not always know what we want until we figure out what it is we do not want.  I guess what I am really trying to say is that it is OK to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. 

Suggestion 1- Figure out what it is you want for yourself and not what others want for you.

     This can be one of the most difficult things to decide for some people.  It is imperative that you choose a path that is personally satisfying to you.  There is a clear difference in the people that are employed doing something they really enjoy compared to those who dislike their jobs.  The ones who are doing something they love actually look forward to their work and feel they are making a difference in the world.  Those same people are usually much more productive because they are more motivated to do what it is they love.  This in turn make their lives more satisfying.  Life is too short to be stuck doing something that makes you miserable. 

You can start the process of figuring out what you want by asking yourself these questions:

• "What am I good at?"  
  "What are my natural gifts and talents?"
• "What do I like to do in my free time?"
• "What are the things that I definitely do not want to do?"
• "What are the things that I feel I am not very good at?"
• "What type of work would make me feel good about myself?"
• "What type of work would make me feel as if I am giving back?"
  "What kind of work environment would suit my personality type?"

     More times than not, the people who are satisfied with their professions are those that have a genuine love for their work in combination with having some amount of natural ability to perform the job.

Suggestion 2- Set some goals.

     Once you figure out what type of career you would like to pursue, the next logical step is to figure out how to get there.  Setting some goals is one of the best ways to do that.  You now need to ask yourself, "What is required to become whatever it is that I have chosen?"  Does it require a college degree?  Does it require experience in the field?  Does it require training through a trade school?  Find out the requirements and then come up with a plan to achieve those requirements.

Suggestion 3- Do what it takes to achieve your goals. 

     Figuring out what you want to do and actually following through with it are two very different things.  Those that have the will to set goals and follow through in achieving them will always have a much better chance of getting what they want.

     While deciding what you want to do and setting goals may seem like difficult tasks, following through with your plan will probably be the most difficult.  Are you prepared to make the necessary sacrifices?  Depending on what you choose to do, certain sacrifices might include; working and going to school simultaneously, sleeping less hours, socializing less, financial hardship and feeling stressed out or overburdened.  Life is not easy and by default, neither is starting a career.  If you have the drive and integrity to work for what you want, then you can make it happen.  It will just take time, patience, hard work and sticking to a well thought out plan to make it come together.

     In closing I would just like to say that there are many people that become successful by going to college and utilizing their degree.  There are also people that do not reach any level of success by getting a college degree.  There are also people that are extremely successful and satisfied that work in the trades and service industries.  In the U.S., most people seem to be encouraged to attend college in order to find a good job.  That is not always the best plan for each person.  Every person is not suited for college.  Some people make great livings by doing things that are not taught in colleges. 

     Going to college just to "go to college" will probably not do much good if there is not a plan in place for utilizing the degree.  Asking yourself, "Will this degree help me to do what I want to do?" is a very useful and important question to ask.  If a college degree will not assist you in attaining your goals then a different path should most likely be taken.

     For more information on counI believe many people struggle with the same dilemma after graduating from high school.  Many feel pressured to decide what they are going to do with the rest of their lives as if their entire lives will revolve around that decision.  That is not necessarily the case.  I have met several people that have changed their majors in college or that have changed jobs several times before they finally settled on something they were content with.  Sometimes experience is the best teacher.  We do not always know what we want until we figure out what it is we do not want.  I guess what I am really trying to say is that it is OK to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. 

Suggestion 1- Figure out what it is you want for yourself and not what others want for you.

     This can be one of the most difficult things to decide for some people.  It is imperative that you choose a path that is personally satisfying to you.  There is a clear difference in the people that are employed doing something they really enjoy compared to those who dislike their jobs.  The ones who are doing something they love actually look forward to their work and feel they are making a difference in the world.  Those same people are usually much more productive because they are more motivated to do what it is they love.  This in turn make their lives more satisfying.  Life is too short to be stuck doing something that makes you miserable. 

You can start the process of figuring out what you want by asking yourself these questions:

• "What am I good at?"  
  "What are my natural gifts and talents?"
• "What do I like to do in my free time?"
• "What are the things that I definitely do not want to do?"
• "What are the things that I feel I am not very good at?"
• "What type of work would make me feel good about myself?"
• "What type of work would make me feel as if I am giving back?"
  "What kind of work environment would suit my personality type?"

     More times than not, the people who are satisfied with their professions are those that have a genuine love for their work in combination with having some amount of natural ability to perform the job.

Suggestion 2- Set some goals.

     Once you figure out what type of career you would like to pursue, the next logical step is to figure out how to get there.  Setting some goals is one of the best ways to do that.  You now need to ask yourself, "What is required to become whatever it is that I have chosen?"  Does it require a college degree?  Does it require experience in the field?  Does it require training through a trade school?  Find out the requirements and then come up with a plan to achieve those requirements.

Suggestion 3- Do what it takes to achieve your goals. 

     Figuring out what you want to do and actually following through with it are two very different things.  Those that have the will to set goals and follow through in achieving them will always have a much better chance of getting what they want.

     While deciding what you want to do and setting goals may seem like difficult tasks, following through with your plan will probably be the most difficult.  Are you prepared to make the necessary sacrifices?  Depending on what you choose to do, certain sacrifices might include; working and going to school simultaneously, sleeping less hours, socializing less, financial hardship and feeling stressed out or overburdened.  Life is not easy and by default, neither is starting a career.  If you have the drive and integrity to work for what you want, then you can make it happen.  It will just take time, patience, hard work and sticking to a well thought out plan to make it come together.

     In closing I would just like to say that there are many people that become successful by going to college and utilizing their degree.  There are also people that do not reach any level of success by getting a college degree.  There are also people that are extremely successful and satisfied that work in the trades and service industries.  In the U.S., most people seem to be encouraged to attend college in order to find a good job.  That is not always the best plan for each person.  Every person is not suited for college.  Some people make great livings by doing things that are not taught in colleges. 

     Going to college just to "go to college" will probably not do much good if there is not a plan in place for utilizing the degree.  Asking yourself, "Will this degree help me to do what I want to do?" is a very useful and important question to ask.  If a college degree will not assist you in attaining your goals then a different path should most likely be taken.

     For more information on counseling & psychotherapy or to schedule an appointment, please visit: http://www.thoughtperspectives.com.

How Important Is Premarital Counseling?

     Premarital counseling is perhaps the most important thing a couple can do to prepare for marriage.  For those that are serious about fulfilling the needs of their loved ones and making marriage last, premarital counseling needs to become a priority. 

     Over the years I have encountered many couples that have been reluctant to initiate premarital counseling for numerous reasons.  Some couples believe that they know each other so well that there is nothing a counselor can say to improve their relationship.  To those couples I will say that all couples can benefit from having an objective evaluation done by a well trained counselor.  Not all couples going into marriage need a complete relationship overhaul but, even those with minimal problems could benefit from some tweaking.  I feel that is better to be over-prepared than to be under-prepared when it comes to making life changing decisions like getting married.  Other couples shy away from premarital counseling because they are afraid that the counseling process might illuminate the faults in their relationship.  They would rather go into the marriage blindfolded and hope that their problems will magically work themselves out, in which case marital discord or divorce is imminent. 

     Lastly, there are couples that feel premarital counseling is just too expensive.  I have heard statements like, "We just don't have the money for premarital counseling with all of our other wedding expenses".  The average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is approximately $30,000.  The average cost of a wedding in Farmington Hills, MI is about $40,000 with an upward range of $50,000.  Those numbers do not even include the cost of the engagement ring and the honeymoon.  The typical couple also budgets for less than 50% of what they spend on a wedding.  People spend a superfluous amount of money on churches, halls, cakes, gowns, photographers as well as many other things for a wedding and they conclude that they cannot afford premarital counseling.  They have their budget completely upside down.  Couples need to start their budget with premarital counseling.  After all, is not the marital relationship the most important part of the marriage?

     Divorce statistics alone should be enough to get people to engage in premarital counseling.  According to the Michigan Department of Community Heatlh, the average percentage of marriages ending in divorce in 2005 was 58% in the State of Michigan.  The percentage of divorce in the tri-county area (Oakland, Macomb, Wayne) reached 60% in 2005.  Premarital counseling was invented to prevent divorce and protect the marital relationship.  Those who think that you do not have to emotionally prepare for marriage are fooling themselves.  Premarital counseling helps couples prepare for the inevitable tough times and disagreements in marital life.  

     The decision to spend the rest of your life with someone can be an overwhelming thought, which is exactly why couples should not enter into a marriage without being completely prepared.  Couples in today's society face higher demands than ever before and they seem to have less support.  Managing dual careers and raising children at the same time requires that couples have a strong relationship which includes; well established abilities of communication, competence of conflict resolution and the facility to set goals together.  Every advantage is needed for couples to survive in today's marriages.  

     Comprehensive research on the effectiveness of premarital counseling has shown that couples who go through premarital counseling gain a 30% increase in overall relationship quality and interpersonal skills (Carroll & Doherty, 2003).  The same study also showed that the positive effects of premarital counseling can happen immediately within the relationship.

     For more information on premarital counseling or other types of counseling please visit http://www.thoughtperspectives.com.

Are Body Image Concerns Starting To Equalize Between Men & Women?

     It is no secret how much pressure women are under to look good or even perfect.    Women are being plagued with anorexia and bulimia in an attempt to look like celebrities or fashion models.  I have also seen more women becoming addicted to plastic surgery. 

     However, problems with body image in males and females seem to be on the rise throughout the world.  Men are being tormented by something that has been referred to as "reverse anorexia" or "manorexia".  Those terms refer to the pressure men are feeling to workout incessantly in order to look like Greek gods or male models.  While women are trying to slim down and lose weight, many men are trying to bulk-up and add muscle mass. 

     There is nothing wrong with trying to shape up and look more appealing unless time spent in the gym or plastic surgery starts to consume or interfere with everyday functioning. Addiction to exercise is much like other addictions in that the person has difficulty abstaining from it even when it becomes unhealthy.  Exercise duration is not the only thing plaguing men. Steroids and nutritional supplements are playing their fare share as well.  More men are starting to take steroids and other supplements that are doing more harm than good just so they can improve their physical appearance or stamina. 

     As far as men's body image concerns rivaling women's, I don't think there is really a way to quantify that information to come up with an accurate answer.  However, body image concerns in men and women are definitely beginning to equalize in this day and age, more so than years past. 

     Whether you are male or female, if you are struggling with body image problems, it is imperative to seek help before it gets out of hand.  Counseling for body image problems can help in overcoming eating disorders whether you are overeating, malnourished or fixated on unhealthy diets.  It can also assist people to overcome addictions to exercise and plastic surgery.  In short, it can teach people how to live physically and psychologically healthy lives.  

     For more information or the schedule an appointment, please visit: http://www.thoughtperspectives.com.

Can Counseling Help People With Normal Everyday Problems?

     While the stigma of mental health has improved over the past fifty years, it is still abundant throughout the general public.  I am referring to the many people that are hesitant to seek counseling or therapy in fear that they might be labeled with a diagnosis or that they might be seen as “crazy” or “psycho”.
     Counseling has become much more acceptable in this day and age.  As a matter of fact, the majority of the clients that I see are much like you.  They are people without any diagnosed mental health disorders that are dealing with problems presented to them in everyday life.  Life itself seems to be getting harder to manage these days and there is no shame in asking for a little help from a trained counselor.  Most people go through life without being taught how to communicate effectively, how to have a relationship with someone else or how to solve some of their own personal issues.Counselors are trained to help people deal with issues like those as well as issues like time management and anger management.
     More and more people are seeking the help of counselors because they offer a non-biased perspective on your situation and they are trained to help you learn how to solve your own problems.  Listed below are only some of the ways in which counseling can be beneficial (for more information on the benefits of counseling, visit: http://www.thoughtperspectives.com.

• It can give you a place to vent your emotional pain and frustrations.
• It can help you to stop making the same mistakes.
• It can help you get through difficult life transitions.
• It can help you get to the root of your personal issues.
• It can allow you to discuss your personal problems in a safe and confidential environment with someone who is trained to listen.

   

How Does The Counseling Process Work?

People tend to fear that which they do not understand.  Many people that I have spoken to over the past few years informed me that they were hesitant to seek counseling or psychotherapy because they did not understand how it worked.  Many were also afraid of divulging an abundance of highly personal information to a counselor or psychotherapist that they had never met before.   
While I could write an entire book on this subject matter, I will abbreviate it to a few key points.  Listed below are some my own personal thoughts on how counseling works: 

• Discussing Personal Issues in a Safe & Confidential Environment.

Those seeking professional help can be assured that anything they choose to discuss in counseling is supposed to remain confidential.  Professional counselors are bound by an ethical code to maintain confidentiality.  The counseling office is oftentimes viewed as a safe house where people feel free to discuss personal issues without feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed.  If for some reason the counselor has to breach confidentiality, they are obligated to notify the client first.  Counselors are legally mandated to notify the proper authorities if: 1) a client threatens to harm oneself, 2) a client threatens to harm someone else, or 3) there is reason to believe a child or an individual unable to care for oneself is being abused.  

• Let go of pain & unrealistic expectations.

One of the first steps one has to take in order to initiate the healing process is to unload pent-up emotional pain and mental anguish.  The positive effect of unloading can be felt immediately and can feel like a heavy burden lifted off of your shoulders.  Doing so with a professional counselor can be beneficial because they are trained to listen and provide emotional support.  Unrealistic expectations often hinder this process.  For instance, one might think that no one else should have to listen to their complaints or bear their burden.  This falls under the unrealistic expectation of believing that one should be able to handle all of their problems without help from others or believing that no one else has the desire to help them.  Counseling can provide a safe place to assist you in identifying unrealistic expectations and  help you change them to more realistic ones.

• Get Through Difficult Life Transitions.

Difficult life transitions can consist of: getting married, getting divorced, starting a new job, losing a job, retirement, starting college, or experiencing the death of a loved one to name a few.  Transitional phases are difficult because they are sometimes unexpected and they take people out of their comfort zones and force them to adapt to a new situation.
There are positive and negative ways to adapt.  For example, someone who loses their job could adapt positively by doing everything in their power to find another job.  Another person could adapt negatively by feeling sorry for him or herself and cease all efforts to find another job.  Those who have adapted negatively to a situation are the ones who should seek counseling.  The counseling process can help them to get back on their feet and re-adapt to their situation in a more positive manner. 

• Get to the Roots of your Problems.

Many times the only way to solve a problem is to get to the root of it.  This involves figuring out when it started, how it started and why it still continues to be a problem.  Counseling can assist the client in solving the roots of their problems which will then eliminate the symtoms attached to them.  This requires time and patience on the part of the person seeking help.
The previous examples are only a glimpse of how counseling and psychotherapy work.  For more information on this subject please visit my website at: http://www.thoughtperspectives.com.

What Should I Expect During The First Session?

 I briefly discussed the evaluation process in a previous blog (Expectations of Therapy: first Contact) but,  I will give a brief recap. 

 The evaluation is approximately 3-5 sessions depending on the nature of the problems and how many people are present.  During the evaluation, I would be gathering info about the nature and history of the problem.  I would also be asking questions about family history and previous therapy experiences.  At the end of the evaluation, I then give my thoughts as to what I believe is going on and what direction I believe would be most helpful.  The evaluation also gives the client(s) a chance to get some idea of who I am and, if we decide to continue, whether they would be comfortable working with me.  

The evaluation that I conduct is no different than an evaluation a medical doctor would perform.  If someone consulted a doctor for pain in their lower back, the doctor would want to first run a series of tests in order to find out exactly what the problem was before treating it.  The evaluation gives me a chance to learn about the nature and causes of the underlying problems rather than using conjecture and running the risk of misdiagnosis.


Listed below are some of the topics that I usually try to cover during the evaluation:

• The nature and duration of the presenting problem(s):  It is helpful for me to get the client's perspective on what they believe the problems are and when they originated.
• Employment:  I like to find out the nature and length of employment as well as how the presenting problem(s) may be affecting performance at work.
• Previous therapy experiences:  This will give me a good idea of one's familiarity with the process of therapy and what has and has not worked for them in the past.
• Expectations of treatment:  Right from the beginning of therapy, I implore my clients to think about what they want their lives to look like at the completion of treatment.
• Medical/psychiatric problems:  Certain medical problems, medical drugs, psychiatric problems and especially psychiatric medications can affect the process and outcome of treatment.  It is beneficial for me to know these things at the beginning  of treatment process.
• Family history:  I will usually ask about the family history of mental illness, addiction, and abuse.  I also ask clients to give me a glimpse of what it was like growing up in their family household as well as what their relationships were like with their parents and siblings. 

The first session is when I really try to get a good understanding of why the person decided to seek treatment at the particular time.  I also like to hear about the problems they have been struggling with and how they have tried to deal with them in the past.  My goal in the first session is to start establishing a trusting relationship with the client so they feel comfortable coming back to talk about further issues.  I also evaluate how comfortable the client is in the first session so I can taylor my approach and line of questioning to their level of comfort.  Everyone responds in their own unique way to therapy and I take that into consideration.  

The important thing in the first session is for the client to feel comfortable working with me and to realize that the treatment process is a team effort in helping them to create positive change in their life.

What Is An Initial Office Visit Like?

Some people are skeptical about going to therapy or counseling for the first time or going to a new psychotherapist when they do not know what to expect.  I will attempt to delineate the process which my own clients can expect in order to eliminate any quandaries.  


Office EnvironmentMy office is located in beautiful Farmington Hills, MI just off of the northwest corner of 13 Mile Rd. and Northwestern Highway in "The Offices of Woodcreek".  The parking lot is easily accessible from 13 Mile Rd. or from Northwestern Highway.  The office is on the main level right off of the main entrance which provides convenience for those who may be suffering from Agoraphobia, Panic Disorder or Claustrophobia.  There are separate entrance and exit doors which provide an additional level of confidentiality.  The inside of the office is a serene and calming environment which many clients describe as warm, friendly and professional.  


Initial Visit    
I usually request that all new patients arrive 10-15 minutes early to fill out some paperwork before the commencement of the session.  You will be greeted in the waiting room by myself or by my administrative assistant.  There are two forms that I have everyone fill out.  The first form is a general information form that provides me with your name, address, employment info and insurance information.  The second form outlines the policies and business practices to which I adhere and requires a signature stating that you understand those policies and will abide by them.  After the paperwork is filled out, I will escort you from the waiting room to my office where we will begin our session.  

What Can I Expect When I Work With A Counselor?

A counselor functions as a non-judgmental voice to help clients deal with and resolve emotional concerns. They provide a safe place where clients can talk about any and all problems on their mind. Counselors are trained to listen in an objective manner and offer helpful feedback, insight, and clarification.

In session, counselors will sometimes operate as a guide. Clients should expect a counselor to ask questions and encourage them to talk so can delve more deeply into their issue. Counselors usually do not talk as much as the client because only the client knows where the pain and resistance lie, and client is ultimately the one who will do the work to resolve the issue.

If you are seeking help, keep in mind that counselors will not solve your problems for you. Their role is to help facilitate awareness. Insights that you make with the help of a counselor help you make changes and find resolutions for the concerns in your life. Working with a counselor can help just about anyone develop a better understanding of what they want from life. This work can also help increase harmony in all relationship- including your relationship with yourself.

What Issues Can A Counselor Help Me With?

Counselors typically assist clients with a number of issues, including relationship stress, marital conflict, dating difficulties, infidelity, trust issues, commitment issues, dissatisfaction in the bedroom, financial stress, dealing with break-ups, separation and divorce, and many others. Counselors also help with non-specific concerns like self-esteem, managing periods of depression, periodic and ongoing anxiety as well as a host of other diagnosable issues. Counselors an specialize in areas like marriage and family counseling, drug and alcohol addiction, eating disorders, and career counseling.

What Is A Counselor Or Therapist?

The terms “counselor” and “therapist” are often used interchangeably. These terms describe a professional who works with individuals, couples, and families on relationship issues, personal problems, and mental health issues. These experts typically have a master’s degree or higher and have undergone extensive training to become licensed to practice in their state.
While counselors are adept at assisting clients with issues such as depression and anxiety, mental health concerns are not necessary for seeking help. Often times, counselors see clients who are dealing with relationship issues, marital problems, personal growth issues, and many other matters would not fall within the parameters of a diagnosable mental health concern.
Due to the professional counselor’s deep understanding of the human condition, they can be of assistance to anyone looking to make changes in their life, cope with troubling problems, heal old wounds, or discover meaning and reason behind what is happening in their life.